things are looking down. and i don't mean like an aerial view.
last night:
i should have written this when it was fresh, but i can tell you the dream was centered around ensemble113. i was walking towards niles north, to rehearsal during the summer, and basically every bird in the world was dying or dead. they were just falling from the sky. and to walk across the parking lot from the mall to the school...the whole parking lot was just covered in these bright purple dead birds with bright mustard yellow beaks. i mean covered with dead birds. when i got to the building this guys sister who is going to be our director for this children's show this summer was really angry at me (us? i think i was with someone) for being late and i had to explain about all the dead birds, but she didn't really care. there was talk of frilly costumes.
there was some section of the dream where i was in a car, driving at night, past a house with a lot of windows on a hill.
canyon walls are crumbling and collapsing around me. at least that's how it feels.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1
Thursday, March 26
DREAMZDREAMSDREAMING
MORE WEIRDNESS IN MY SUBCONCIOUS LAST NIGHT
i was on some college campus somewhere with an old friend and a friend that i knew through her. and this girl holli was there. we went to this club and i was wearing a button down shirt, but it was unbuttoned and i wasn't wearing a bra so my tits were just out and all over the damn place. it was dark and the music was loud and things were really round, like the shape of the room was a circle.
the next part i remember was being in some kind of walgreens/cvs store on the way back from that club- i buttoned up my shirt and was really embarrassed that i had been wearing it like that. my friend said i had been bitching about not having lotion all night so we were in the walgreens so i could buy some. i picked up a magazine in the walgreens and i picked up a magazine that was kind of like this month's vanity fair (with seth rogan and all of them) but it had all these people from sex and the city and other shows and before i know it i look in the mirror and i'm charlotte from sex and the city and it's my wedding day. and i have these weird dreadlocks.
so i get my hair fixed because it's my wedding day and i keep switching off between being carrie and being charlotte and and i'm in my house (my real life house) and it's mid afternoon (i can tell from the light) and then i walk into my parent's house and carrie (i'm charlotte at this point) is sleeping with my fiance on the morning of my wedding. i suddenly have a pair of scissors in my hand so i STAB HER IN THE EYE. but like, the scissors go into the side of her eye, near her nose, the part that gets red and gunky and full of eye boogers and stuff...and her eye was just falling out of her head and all bloody and full of guts and shit. REALLY graphic stuff. but then she was fine and was telling me to get dressed and escape because the police were coming because i just stabbed someone in the eye with a pair of scissors on my wedding day. so i'm putting on this pink and black striped shirt and green leggins and running out of my house, and i get into my moms's car in the passenger seat, and carrie gets in the drivers seat, and there's this totally adorable little black toddler there, hugging me. he kind of looked like my ex's little brother, but he wasn't. and i figure out that he's my son, and he'll love me forever, and he's smiling and laughing and we're driving away and it's like 6:30 pm in early september and the sun is in that pre-sunset phase and everything is orangey-yellow and we're driving down main street towards the lake and then i woke up.
"you can fight the fire that's in your head"
really dodos?? i don't think so.
i was on some college campus somewhere with an old friend and a friend that i knew through her. and this girl holli was there. we went to this club and i was wearing a button down shirt, but it was unbuttoned and i wasn't wearing a bra so my tits were just out and all over the damn place. it was dark and the music was loud and things were really round, like the shape of the room was a circle.
the next part i remember was being in some kind of walgreens/cvs store on the way back from that club- i buttoned up my shirt and was really embarrassed that i had been wearing it like that. my friend said i had been bitching about not having lotion all night so we were in the walgreens so i could buy some. i picked up a magazine in the walgreens and i picked up a magazine that was kind of like this month's vanity fair (with seth rogan and all of them) but it had all these people from sex and the city and other shows and before i know it i look in the mirror and i'm charlotte from sex and the city and it's my wedding day. and i have these weird dreadlocks.
so i get my hair fixed because it's my wedding day and i keep switching off between being carrie and being charlotte and and i'm in my house (my real life house) and it's mid afternoon (i can tell from the light) and then i walk into my parent's house and carrie (i'm charlotte at this point) is sleeping with my fiance on the morning of my wedding. i suddenly have a pair of scissors in my hand so i STAB HER IN THE EYE. but like, the scissors go into the side of her eye, near her nose, the part that gets red and gunky and full of eye boogers and stuff...and her eye was just falling out of her head and all bloody and full of guts and shit. REALLY graphic stuff. but then she was fine and was telling me to get dressed and escape because the police were coming because i just stabbed someone in the eye with a pair of scissors on my wedding day. so i'm putting on this pink and black striped shirt and green leggins and running out of my house, and i get into my moms's car in the passenger seat, and carrie gets in the drivers seat, and there's this totally adorable little black toddler there, hugging me. he kind of looked like my ex's little brother, but he wasn't. and i figure out that he's my son, and he'll love me forever, and he's smiling and laughing and we're driving away and it's like 6:30 pm in early september and the sun is in that pre-sunset phase and everything is orangey-yellow and we're driving down main street towards the lake and then i woke up.
"you can fight the fire that's in your head"
really dodos?? i don't think so.
Wednesday, July 11
the thing that i say about my favorite painting to impress people is a quote from an episode of boy meets world
it's when your ex-boyfriends parents find your livejournal that you begin to reconsider this whole internet thing. i'm too attracted to people reading these things to completely give it up, i guess. xanga was one thing, livejournal was another. this time i won't use full names, i promise.
when i'm going through something difficult my dreams tend to get more intense. this time around is no exception. in fact, my dreams have gotten worse and more realistic than ever. dream one was about control, or the way i feel i have a lack of it, maybe. i had just given birth to two babies. one of them was an actual baby, all small and pale and wrapped in a bright pink blanket. someone in the dream, it was either clay or laura, named it "precious". the second baby wasn't a baby, but rather a two year old boy that i couldn't get to settle down. the next thing i knew i lost the infant. it didn't die or anything, i literally just couldn't find it. i ran around the hospital looking for it, not telling people what i was looking for and denying that i had lost it for fear of them thinking i was/calling me a bad mother. i remember thinking that i had to leave, that there was somewhere i had to be, and that the fact that i had to spend all this time finding the baby was going to make me late. the hospital itself went back and forth; about half the time it was big and sanitary and white and made of tiles and fluorecent lights; the other half it wasn't a hospital at all, it was that stretch of residential area we walked through from alec's house to burger king during parties. but i still thought it was a hospital.
locations in dreams are weird things, right?
that's all i remember of the actual dream. the morning after i was thinking about my period and realized that there was a chance that i was late, seeing as i couldn't remember when i had gotten it the month before. what if my dream was a premonition? highly unlikely, seeing as i'm not having sex. with anyone. anywhere. anytime.
i had dream two last night. i was getting off the 215 bus across the street from my house when i saw this boy i went to school with...in real life we went through brief stages of being kind of goodish friends from grade 7-10. he smoked a lot of weed and apparently had a crush on me freshman year but then found out i had let one of his best friends feel me up at a party and then wasn't interested anymore. anyways, back in my subconcious, he was riding his bike past my house. a zombie creature who looked like him in zombie form was ridng a bike behind him. the zombie was something he had created for a movie or something. i walked across the street and asked if i could shake the zombies hand, and then shook a bag of doritos at it. the boy told me he would eat me if i did that, so i just went home. moments later i sudden rush of fear came over me and i looked out the peephole in my door. there was the zombies giant monster mouth roaring on the other side. i let out a shreek and then heard laughing on the other side of the door. i found myself shoving the keyes under the door but then realized how stupid i was and pulled them back under. the boy and his zombie ended up getting into my house- i don't know how. the zombie morphed into the scariest monster i've ever seen- his body seemed to be covered in strange dark paper mache scales and his face was hideous. he had the body of a human but moved all hunched over, almost, but not quite on all fours. his head was just an oval, and was covered the way his body was- and his mouth was huge and full of disgustingly grimy teeth, all of which were huge and sharp and would make me bleed to death upon contact with my skin. the boy instructed the zombie to attack me and it tried to do. i kept running in circle around my living room to get away from it, screaming and crying and telling the boy that if he didn't tell his monster to stop i would call my dad. everything in my living room morphed into the style of the monster- the monet on my wall became a framed painting of him, my couches were covered in his scales. i finally started screaming for my dad to come downstairs and make them leave. he did so, and all of a sudden the monster was tame. he started talking like an autistic child. he had a conversation with us about show and tell and trying to find an agent. the boy and his monster left and my living room went back to normal.
maybe i've been spending too much time by myself doing nothing and that's why my dreams are the way they are. or maybe i'm mourning this relationship. or maybe i'm freaking out about college. i'm not trying to regress into an eighth grader and write about how sad i am and how the world is just a big black ball of pain because johnny football doesn't like me in my blog or anything, don't get me wrong. did i even ever go through that phase? i certainly hope not.
i do have a case of the mean reds though. it's been a very internal thing. nothing external has been a catalyst, which is why i can't help but feel like an eighth grader, suffering from herself and almost enjoying wallowing in it all.
maybe it's just this week.
when i'm going through something difficult my dreams tend to get more intense. this time around is no exception. in fact, my dreams have gotten worse and more realistic than ever. dream one was about control, or the way i feel i have a lack of it, maybe. i had just given birth to two babies. one of them was an actual baby, all small and pale and wrapped in a bright pink blanket. someone in the dream, it was either clay or laura, named it "precious". the second baby wasn't a baby, but rather a two year old boy that i couldn't get to settle down. the next thing i knew i lost the infant. it didn't die or anything, i literally just couldn't find it. i ran around the hospital looking for it, not telling people what i was looking for and denying that i had lost it for fear of them thinking i was/calling me a bad mother. i remember thinking that i had to leave, that there was somewhere i had to be, and that the fact that i had to spend all this time finding the baby was going to make me late. the hospital itself went back and forth; about half the time it was big and sanitary and white and made of tiles and fluorecent lights; the other half it wasn't a hospital at all, it was that stretch of residential area we walked through from alec's house to burger king during parties. but i still thought it was a hospital.
locations in dreams are weird things, right?
that's all i remember of the actual dream. the morning after i was thinking about my period and realized that there was a chance that i was late, seeing as i couldn't remember when i had gotten it the month before. what if my dream was a premonition? highly unlikely, seeing as i'm not having sex. with anyone. anywhere. anytime.
i had dream two last night. i was getting off the 215 bus across the street from my house when i saw this boy i went to school with...in real life we went through brief stages of being kind of goodish friends from grade 7-10. he smoked a lot of weed and apparently had a crush on me freshman year but then found out i had let one of his best friends feel me up at a party and then wasn't interested anymore. anyways, back in my subconcious, he was riding his bike past my house. a zombie creature who looked like him in zombie form was ridng a bike behind him. the zombie was something he had created for a movie or something. i walked across the street and asked if i could shake the zombies hand, and then shook a bag of doritos at it. the boy told me he would eat me if i did that, so i just went home. moments later i sudden rush of fear came over me and i looked out the peephole in my door. there was the zombies giant monster mouth roaring on the other side. i let out a shreek and then heard laughing on the other side of the door. i found myself shoving the keyes under the door but then realized how stupid i was and pulled them back under. the boy and his zombie ended up getting into my house- i don't know how. the zombie morphed into the scariest monster i've ever seen- his body seemed to be covered in strange dark paper mache scales and his face was hideous. he had the body of a human but moved all hunched over, almost, but not quite on all fours. his head was just an oval, and was covered the way his body was- and his mouth was huge and full of disgustingly grimy teeth, all of which were huge and sharp and would make me bleed to death upon contact with my skin. the boy instructed the zombie to attack me and it tried to do. i kept running in circle around my living room to get away from it, screaming and crying and telling the boy that if he didn't tell his monster to stop i would call my dad. everything in my living room morphed into the style of the monster- the monet on my wall became a framed painting of him, my couches were covered in his scales. i finally started screaming for my dad to come downstairs and make them leave. he did so, and all of a sudden the monster was tame. he started talking like an autistic child. he had a conversation with us about show and tell and trying to find an agent. the boy and his monster left and my living room went back to normal.
maybe i've been spending too much time by myself doing nothing and that's why my dreams are the way they are. or maybe i'm mourning this relationship. or maybe i'm freaking out about college. i'm not trying to regress into an eighth grader and write about how sad i am and how the world is just a big black ball of pain because johnny football doesn't like me in my blog or anything, don't get me wrong. did i even ever go through that phase? i certainly hope not.
i do have a case of the mean reds though. it's been a very internal thing. nothing external has been a catalyst, which is why i can't help but feel like an eighth grader, suffering from herself and almost enjoying wallowing in it all.
maybe it's just this week.
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