everything has become unmanagable. yesterday (4/20) was overwhelming. my leg hurt, the brownie hit me in all the wrong places at all the wrong times, and i thought i was going to die. paranoia.
nothing seems fair. i've already stunted and killed this relationship. why get more emotionally attatched until it's time for him to go and never come back? so i essentially feel single. but not the fun single that comes two weeks after a harsh break up, when you're ready to (so desperate that you will) get drunk and give the first man that gives you any kind of attention a blow job. it's the four months single when drunk and impersonal fumbling in the dark have lost their magic, and your self esteem is so low that you honestly believe no guy is looking at you because you're not worth looking at, or worth loving. so even though i have a boyfriend for the time being, i feel miserable and abandoned. i am an island.
my dad told me i seem depressed and overwhelmed. that i sound that way on the phone when he calls.
also i'm so fat that my knees cannot support me anymore. yeah.
in other news, i have no idea what i want to do with my life and am completely lost in regards to that aspect of things. two, not one but two, of my best friends thought it wasn't worth it anymore and there's another on the way, i can just tell. my flip flops are broken.
IT'S SPRING TIME!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!
Some trees will bend
And some will fall
But then again
So will us all
Monday, April 21
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