walkin' a long and lonely mile

i really have to start taking that medicine again. like really. MEAN REDS. but on the bright side it's finally getting warmer...



i've always loved the blue light in this scene
just gorgeous

mistaken for strangers by your own friends

It's weird when you realize how different you are from your close friends. Or in my case, how differently I handle sadness. Some of them drink, some of them have to be around others. I become a total recluse. I haven't left my house today. I called people, but it felt really forced. I felt like they didn't want to see me, but I also really just didn't want to leave. It hurts to be here alone but the idea of going out kind of scares me.
And just because I'm Kori and have this habit of turning nice boys into not nice boys, the one person I do want to talk to is impossible to get a hold of. I'm not saying he's not a nice boy anymore, I can't jump to that conclusion. I've just seen this happen before, a lot, with me....
It starts with the phone.

whoa mama

1. if i was about to die and God said, "kori, you can do one more thing before you die. what do you want to do?" i would play theater games. like zip zap zop and the one where you have to make eye contact with someone on the other side of the circle and switch places before the person in the middle of the circle took your spot, or that one we played in theater workshop, about power and status, and telephone (not the one where you send a message around a circle, although i wouldn't mind playing that before i died either)...

2. watching arrested development makes me feel like a part of something.


3. i really like george harrison's solo work. my love for "all things must pass" has grown A LOT in 2008. wah-wah!

4. the dewy cox beatles depiction is so wonderful. especially george. speaking of justin long, HOW HOT IS HE?? i recently saw him in a lifetime film (trust me, i got sucked into it because of JL. it was the first and last lifetime movie i'll ever watch.) I was channel surfing and I happened upon him making out with some girl. and it was hot. i used to do this a lot when i was little...watch a movie purely for the kissing parts. my point is, be it mac commercials, lifetime movies, walk hard, waiting, or walking around with drew barrymore, justin long is one fine piece of man. amen.

5. when i was little my favorite beatle changed all the time. at first i just loved ringo because my favorite song was yellow submarine, but then realized how cute paul was, but then realized how powerful/attractive john was, but then realized how mysterious and peaceful george was. and then when i actually started judging my favorite beatle by music everything went to shit and i just could never decide! how can a person SERIOUSLY have a favorite beatle?? and i feel like John is a cop-out answer. like, of course you love john lennon. everyone loves john lennon. but ignore his solo career and what he stood for, look at him in terms of being a beatle. it's a HARD QUESTION. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE BEATLE???? YOU CAN'T COMMIT TO A FAVORITE BEATLE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE. i mean at least i know it's not ringo...well, actually...


6. i would really love to meet paul mccartney. really really love it.

7. i'm on this beatles kick because they're the background on my computer screen, and i'm listening to them on last.fm.

8. WHERE IN THE WORLD is my boyfriend. i know where he is but i feel like he's lost or something.

9. think of your most mortifying middle school dance moment. or the biggest fight that happened at one between two girls. there was this one girl who would always come with us to weber dances, and she would always claim to have her period and just sit in the bathroom the entire time. every single time.

10. euthanasia is legal in Oregon?

www.cansfestival.com


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Publish Post
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thank you for these wonderful pancakes, dani stein!!

glorious

i am extremely sad. this is probably the saddest i've ever been in my life, as a matter of fact. there is not one aspect of my life that isn't a complete mess. and even though everything is wrong with my parents, my money situation, my friends, my body...all i can really do is sit here and miss him.

dedicated follower of fashion.

things have been going pretty well. i've got two weeks left of school starting today, which is bittersweet in every sense of the word. nathan is leaving, but all the rest of my friemly (i'm trying to combine friend and family there, since my friends are more like family, self explanitory, yeah.) is coming back. i'm hoping for a healthy and active summer. my priorities are getting a job, visiting texas and going to lollapalooza, but maybe squeezing in some bike riding, camping, hiking, arts/crafts, tanning, many sober nights with those i haven't seen in a long time, stabilizing, visiting indiana, maybe kansas, READING FOR THE LOVE OF PETE (i haven't finished a book in forever and i'm ashamed of myself...also i meant the phrase "for the love of pete", there is no book called "for the love of pete" but i could be wrong, i guess i'd read that book), trying to delete "hey girl hey" and "omg" from my vocabulary, building a stronger vocabulary, writing, smoking pot outside, but not smoking too much pot, etc. maybe i'll make out with some boys on accident, but i'd really rather not.

oh and i'm applying to a million colleges too. my parents are on the illinois state school side of things, but i'm feeling some of these schools way too much. i don't want to sell myself short- i believe i am capable of attending a private college where i will be challenged. i believe i will struggle but i also believe i will be able to handle it. i have this intense hunger for learning. i want to learn everything.

it's very rough to be in love. but also really beautiful. i keep thinking how unfair this all is, but then i remember that there are people who haven't experienced this kind of emotional intimacy at all. i'm actually very lucky. even if i never see him again, i'll know i was loved (for real) and treated the way that i deserve to be treated. i can honestly say i was in a healthy, normal, wonderful, magical, trusting, genuine relationship. it wasn't perfect, but that's what made it so perfect.
we took a shower together last night.

my soundtrack has been the kinks, radiohead, the awkward stage (check them out!), weezer (pinkerton and blue, but also green. i guess i'm just not an actual weezer fan since i like green? real weezer fans only like pinkerton and blue. i hate unwritten fan rules. bogus.)

it's been BEAUTIFUL outside. everything is blooming. i think i'm not as excited about it as usual because subconciously i feel as though i deserve beautiful weather because i lived through the horrendous winter of '08. so it's like i'm finally getting my paycheck or something. it's about damn time.

i'm really looking forward to seeing the friemly (maybe this combo word isn't a good idea) but i'm also really nervous. so many people have gone through drastic changes, some for the better, but mostly for the worse, and i feel like things are going to spiral out of control. what exactly is rock bottom and how long will it take people to hit it? i want to help but i don't know how. like, it's my job to help, we're friemly, but i don't know how and people don't necessarily want it even though they need it. in middle school, they tell you to go tell a trusted adult if your friends are in trouble. i missed my chance to to that- we are the adults now. we are the adults making our own choices and fucking things up. complicated shit.

i can't wait for it to be close to 100 degrees so i can walk into my air conditioned house from the outside. best summer feeling that there is, hands down.



ignore this part, this is for personal reference:
(finish) still life with woodpecker
(finish) jiggerbug perfume
another roadside attraction
skinny legs and all
the book of laughter and forgetting- kundera
the rules of attraction
american psycho
the electric kool-aid acid test
on the road
the virgin suicides
dreaming in cuban
no one belongs here more than you: stories
100 years of solitude
life of pi
Palahniuk...all
(reread) the book of embraces
days and nights of love and war
memory of fire
a heartbreaking work of staggering genius- eggers
one flew over the cuckoos nest
slaughterhouse five
breakfast of champions
catch 22


does that sound enough for one summer? suggestions?
it's just like, they've all been on my list forever and i always skip over them because they've been on my list forever. but i'm reading them this summer so i can start a new damn list.