compose yourself

there's nothing like a good book, man! seriously. i mean that.



who wants to go dog sledding?

pale green things pale green things

i'm having the hardest fucking time right now.
what a terrible break.


i chose a different form of self medication when i got home last night:



watching actual movies when i'm upset just doesn't work. hopefully today i'll watch the first wives club.

the exorcism of anything shitty

it's so crazy to me how just being around certain people can make the outside world just vanish. i felt really safe tonight, certain people are like shields, you know?

a list of things that will rock about thanksgiving break:
party party party love love love
waking up in my bed (extremely late) and then lying there with my ipod for a really long time while doing great morning stretches
thanksgiving food



things are crazy but i feel really peaceful. and i know it's a temporary peace. but that's SO much better than no peace at all.

sean paul

i figure at some point i have to actually start taking care of myself.
as in don't do things that i know are bad for my general state of well being.


so i guess i want to start doing that today.

feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets

recycled air is what summer sounded like this year.
it really was the most beautiful (and i mean that in respects to everyone and everything) summer i've ever had in my life.
everything was green and everyone was soft.

today i was waiting for my advisor and i started thinking of everything i am afraid of. it's a long list.

1. racoons/possums/SKUNKS/really large rats
2. natural disasters
3. fatal uncurable diseases
4. heights
5. being alone
6. falling
7. failing/humilation
8. geese
9. death of loved ones
10. the idea of getting hit by a car
11. group think
12. anything in real life that pretty much is straight out of 1984
13. vomiting
14. some bugs
15. lots of people
16. strangers
17. growing up
18. guns


and those were only a few.

i really want to just constantly be sending out good vibes in the direction of everyone i love that's off at college on far coasts and different planets and stuff (you all know who you are).
everyone is having such an extremely different and intense experience. i just want to like, send my love to all of you. if you were with me i would just like, hug you or do something much more real to try and show you how much i want to like, kill whatever's ailing you and how much i love you. but i guess all i can do right now is send it.
my love is shooting out to:
colorado
milwaukee
urbana
the east coast
the west coast
mars
canada
everywhere people i love are

circle circle dot dot mothafucka

IT'S TIME FOR HIGH BLOGGGGGGGING


that scene in the wizard of oz when the tornado is happening and dorthy can't get into the cellar- that shit is beyond terrifying. the possibility of natural disasters is such a huge fear of mine. i'm really scared that i won't be able to run fast enough, or i'll be sacrificed for the good of the whole or something. scary scary scary.

i love really moving movies, even if they are total chick flicks. my favorite thing in art is when like, a line is spoken or sung or a note is played or you look at a painting and it's something that's been in your head or come out of your mouth or something you've felt EXACTLY.

HERE IS WHERE YOU ARE


how do you go about a booty call. what is that.
the words "come over" at 1:20 in the morning don't really suggest anything but "i need someone to make out with me right now or i'll explode"
but i kind of wish they suggested "i just want company" so even if it is "TOUCH ME" (which it always is) the whole seduction process is a little more fun and if you get denied or don't have the balls it won't be awkward because you just wanted to hang out.
ABUHHH.


someone take a picture of me right now at this very moment!
CAPTURE IT!

bowerbirds

I’m still listening to that song. Listening to it after a really emotionally intense/confusing dream during your Sunday afternoon nap probably isn’t the best idea, for those of you who are wondering.

The entire dream is a blur, but it’s been the most real and intense yet. I’m not going to try to put together a plot or anything, that would mess it all up. Here’s a list of random images/main points from it.

(forgive me, seriously. I’m becoming obsessed with my dreams, I always have to write them down.)

(some names have been changed.)

1. I needed to get on a plane to Israel. I can’t tell whether or not I was choosing to go there or being shipped off. The entire dream was my journey to try and PACK (packing seemed like an impossible task) and get on the plane in time.
2. At some point, I was in my parent’s room. My mom had all the papers, printed out from the internet, containing the information about my flight. She reassured me that my flight didn’t leave until early in the morning and that I had a lot of time.
3. I was in what seemed like my Grandmothers apartment- I’m in there A LOT in my dreams. It always takes some kind of a different form, but it’s always hers. The door to her bedroom was made of glass, I could see right through it. I don’t know who I was with, but I was freaking out about having to leave and an ex-boyfriend’s family (not the ex-boyfriend himself) were sitting in her living room. His mother came to the door and demanded that I buy them more string cheese, since apparently I had eaten all of theirs. I told her I would, and she continued to berate me. I went back into the room, moments later the entire was at the door wearing pathetic Halloween costumes, and trick or treating for string cheese. I got incredibly upset that they wouldn’t leave me alone and ran out of the apartment, on a quest to buy them more string cheese, pack and get on that plane to Israel. We (whoever I was with) were then walking down a very bright, city like street.
4. I was at an El stop in north Chicago. I was with Alex and Randy. At some point during the dream I had held Randy’s hand. I leaned over to try and kiss him and just ended up getting the side of his mouth. I then put my hand into Alex’s pocket and held his hand. Then I was in a bathroom making out with George- it was terrible and I kept feeling like I was going to vomit. I kept telling him to go slower with all of his motions, and he ended up getting really upset.
5. I was at another train station, but it was an old one. Some boy from a ska band was there, and there was an entire rack of clothing/shoes/objects of things I’ve lost. Like, the rack of labeled “Kori’s lost things” and I just started grabbing all of them frantically and shoving them into a bag. Before that, the ska boy and I were talking and he was going to Israel too. Everyone was wondering why we were freaking out and we were just like “We could die. It’s a little stressful.”

I don’t know if I made the plane or not. I woke up.

I’m a total wreck right now.


I think I am a wreck because I know that things are only going to get weirder and harder. It’s like I’m about to enter this part of my life that will determine a lot of things, that’s how I feel. But in a way it feels like it’s going to be purgatory, this place where I experiment with drugs and just kind of take everything in.

hymns for a dark horse

i got sent some bowerbirds. wow. wow. what an incredible song. hooves. oh my god.


i'm playing it on repeat like i did with hanson when i was eight.





you're the memory now that lives across the world